break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
