WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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