That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
