I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
