Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
