first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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