When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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