I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
