alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize