We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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