someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
