I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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