I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My pussy is not your playground.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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