I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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