real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you traded sex for a burrito?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
