I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
