meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
