My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
