I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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