Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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