sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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