so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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