I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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