Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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