my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
