Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
