you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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