Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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