D3 body, D1 cock
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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