you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
