My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
