ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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