I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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