i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I FOUND THE LEGS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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