I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
