Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize