My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
