I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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