just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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