my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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