I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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