No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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