I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
