Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
