She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
