fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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