do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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