Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
