well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Your penis caused this!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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