am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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