When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
