he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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