it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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