She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh god it's open bar.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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