dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am available for nakedness
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
