Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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