What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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