i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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