Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
