i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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