Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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