well I can't set my house on fire every night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
