Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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