I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize