So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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