dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
zippers are such a cool invention
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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