Apparently you make a good broom.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
