the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
