After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
