all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
God, I missed his penis.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
