Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
