When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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