Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
