dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
