I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
