Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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