What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
